Loving Lessons · Testimonies

// God called my bluff //

It’s been a full month now since my campaign launched to establish a monthly support team  and finances to return to Scotland are no where near where I need them to be. This isn’t a charity call, this is a glimpse into the process Jesus has been walking me through and it’s pretty cool.

In the past couple months of prepping, planning, and praying I knew I needed God as a “business partner”. He is way better at this than me, He knows His people better than me and I know I can’t move people’s hearts to give. I know that… well – I thought I knew that. See, head knowledge and heart knowledge are very different things. Knowing something in your head is GOOD! Necessary, even! Knowing and memorizing scripture and God’s promises are absolutely critical in a fruitful walk with the Lord. But until we undergo a situation where that one scripture, or that one promise God gave is all we have to cling to, the head knowledge isn’t as heavy in weight in our hearts. Does that make sense? 

What else can I do? Am I doing too much? Too little? I wonder if I should’ve reached out sooner… I think I probably lost their support… are just a peek into the swirl of thoughts I’ve been giving weight to these past few weeks.

∫  Hebrew word for GLORY =“kabod” = weight or heaviness ∫ 

Thoughts of my own power and ability to provide results were consuming my thoughts of God’s love, power and provision. I actually was giving more weight [glory] to my own hands than His. 

 There is no condemnation for anyone who is in Christ (Romans 8:1)

This weight had taken such an emotional toll on me and I didn’t even know it! Discouragement, rejection and doubt have been all too familiar this past week. For days I would ask God to reveal to me the extent of my role and where His begins and what our partnership is to look like because the boundaries in my mind were so cloudy! I internalized that cloudiness as God’s absence or disappointment. Many whom I’d expected to support me haven’t demonstrated their support and it was revealed to me that I had subconsciously projected that hurt and rejection onto God: “I’m an inconvenience to Him. He is shying away in hopes to remain unassociated with me” etc. 

The following is a word I had received for a close friend of mine just a few days ago: 

Abba has His angel armies surrounding the enemy’s armies who are surrounding you. From your perspective on the ground, all you are physically able to see is rows and rows of opposition. But from His aerial view, He knows their numbers aren’t many, and their power is none. Large, majestic, powerful, patient angel warriors are surrounding your battle on Abba’s command. You are not in danger. You are not in trouble. Abba says use My spiritual eyes that I’ve given you – because they never grow weary. You may have to intentionally grab them off the nightstand each morning even when you KNOW you don’t necessarily need them. That is your strategy to see what the enemy is doing. His perspective. His lenses. Through this, great and invaluable experience will be gained in which will benefit you greatly in the near future.

I feel like right now, your necessary battles, and shifting of perspectives, and choosing to rise above, currently may be a prophetic declaration or foreshadowing of the shift that is in this next season… I don’t think it is a shift like we anticipate… it is going to be more, insane, wild, powerful that literally the only explanation could be Father God. I have no idea if any of that made sense but man I just get this aerial picture, and you alone are in the middle of an army surrounding you, but you aren’t doing anything but looking up at Abba. The angels are destroying the army from the back, so while you see their front lines closing in, that just means the angels are getting closer. And the armies won’t actually even be able to physically touch you because you are so absorbed in seeing Abba. You know like a dramatic movie sequence where you just want to shout “WATCH OUT!” and it’s almost too late but someone saves them? The Angels are the best warriors out there and literally, are on assignment to protect you, a mighty warrior.


Reading through it again I can’t help but to chuckle because the Lord knew that I’d recognize its personal significance soon enough. I love the consistency in which He speaks throughout the entire Body.

Anyway, Sunday is when the head knowledge of knowing He is my Provider shifted into heart knowledge. I allowed much-needed insight and revelation to come from Abba. Insight on why I’ve been feeling defeated and rejected and how dangerous those feelings can be, left to fester. There’s something so freeing about relinquishing control; isn’t that an oxymoron haha!

I share this with you today for two reasons.

To demonstrate that everything isn’t as it seems; everyone you see is fighting a battle no matter how “easy” they make it look.

God really convicted me of this one: how can I claim to be invested in others’ spiritual health if I neglect my own?

Friends, if you’re identifying that you’re not feeling yourself, or acting in a way that you don’t recognize, take some time to seek Jesus. Ask what lies you may be believing or feelings need to be addressed and taken away. See, that’s what so flippin’ incredible is that Jesus died so He could literally REMOVE those nasty feelings. He sacrificed Himself to free us from our shame, guilt, embarrassment, [insert crappy feeling].

As far as the east is from the west, so far He has removed our transgressions. (Psalm 103) 

You’re free dude. Jesus has literally set you free from everything. He died so we don’t have to bear these life-sucking thoughts and feelings, and to enable us to come into communion with the living God.

Dare to take the head knowledge you have and allow Abba to transform it into heart knowledge.  

Come to Jesus – He is waiting for you! Let Him take all the junk and experience the freedom He died to give you.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom! (2 Cor. 3:17)


Feel free to send me a message and share with me how Jesus has completely redeemed a situation! ♥

You guys are awesome! Thanks for reading!

One thought on “// God called my bluff //

  1. [UPDATE]
    Having started the beginning of this week at 2 supporters, I now have 7 supporters! That is a 350% increase in a matter of hours. What is even cooler is I felt this past Saturday that the rain symbolized the opening of Heaven’s resources and the floodgates opening and falling down onto dry to bless the earth. Right? So that Sunday (the next day) Father God revealed to me why my approach to raising funds was faulty: I relied too heavily on my power and too little on His. And now, the support continues to grow! One time donations, quarterly, and monthly contributions alike! Hallelujah! Praise Jesus! Woo hoo!


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